World Fantasycon 2025 – Self-Reflections

I seem to have a hit or miss with cons. My first Worldcon (Dublin 2019) was a bit of a disaster, but that came down to a lot of things (my first big con, an absolute shitshow of a year, not knowing a lot of people yet). My second went a lot better (Glasgow 2024) as I enjoyed that one a lot more. Which gave me confidence, and I thought, okay, I totally got this figured out. So, enter World Fantasycon 2025. And guess what? I was struggling a lot, so obviously, I did not get this figured out. Which, obviously, got me (over)thinking. And as a result, here I am, pouring my heart out in this post, recounting my experiences and feelings about World Fantasycon 2025 through self-reflections.

The few days I spent in Brighton had a lot of ups and downs. On the first two days, I lost my scarf (found it the next day) and one of my rings. I had some good moments, but I was struggling a lot more. I ended it not only finding my ring, but also having the best day overall. In all honesty, I had to be low before rising up again. However much I did not enjoy that.

You know, I like to think that I’m aware of my weaknesses, such as poor communication skills and social anxiety. The fact that I’m most likely on the spectrum does not help either. I’m not even getting into how hard it is for me to have any kind of conversations in loud/crowded environments, because I whined about that a lot in the past – this is no fault of mine, as I didn’t choose this specific gene pool I got stuck with. On which note, I’m also obliged to say how grateful I am that I never felt judged or pitied by people (it’s a lot more common occurrence in my life than you’d know) beyond the looks (which is fine, really).

And sure, I know more people know, and I know I can always fall back on some of them, if needed, but in all honesty, I really would have loved to have one person to cling to (or a safety net, if you prefer) as a lot of others have. Either a best friend, a partner, or a close-knit group of friends, but most people I knew and hung out with were never truly alone, as I felt some of the time. And ultimately, this comes down to the fact that I need to be better at maintaining relationships all year round with people online. I only get to see most of them once a year, if that, so I don’t really have a lot of options (or things to say, once we cover the basics). But I also need to add a counterpoint – I did have the opportunity to go out with groups of people to grab food, which would have been lovely, and made me feel included, however… I have a weird relationship with food and eating. I won’t go into details, but I don’t like going to restaurants because I hate spending a lot of money on food I’m not able to eat – and I don’t mean because of allergies or anything, it’s just the amount of food being served. And sitting there while everyone is eating would be weird.

Most of the time, I felt like the odd one out, never belonging anywhere, and that’s a feeling I’m much more familiar with than I’d like to admit. Eh, fuck that, I’ve felt that way most of my life, never really finding my tribe (my “adopted” little brother not withstanding). And I’m well aware that I’m mostly to blame for that, because making an effort is hard. And more times than not, if I did make the effort, it usually resulted in nothing. When you are always the one who tries to maintain friendships, and the moment you stop, they disappear like they never existed, then you tend to question yourself a LOT. Fucking hell, even my own brother can’t be arsed to make an effort to keep in touch, so how could I expect anyone else to do it? I’m tired of wasting my time on people when it’s not reciprocated, so I just stopped trying. And that’s how I ended up in this predicament.

Don’t get me wrong, I did have lovely conversations and did make new acquaintances I’m grateful for, so Brighton wasn’t all bad for me. It was just more of a mixed bag than I would have liked it to be. But I’m terrible at striking up conversations on my own, or joining a group who seem to have known each other well, and there were a lot of those at Fantasycon, which is not surprising, as a lot of them are in a similar position to me. They only get to meet these people a few times a year in person, so of course, they want to catch up. But to me, this con especially felt clique-y, and more of a professional gathering (there is nothing wrong with that!) – I talked to a few people who suggested a workshop would be nice for introverted people on how to join in these conversations, and holy shit, that’s a great idea. I did manage to hand out the little gift packages I prepared for some friends, – which shouldn’t be so fucking nerve-wrecking, but here we are – and they were well received, to my utter relief!

As a blogger (or more like my weirdo self), I don’t really have a place in this dynamic, as I don’t really have an agency. Maybe that’s why I started talking a bit about the fact I returned to writing – something I wasn’t planning to discuss publicly a lot until I felt more secure in it. Oh well. But if I ever finish this novel and decide to do something with it, it’s going to be a lot of pain in the ass to navigate between my personas as a blogger, as a writer, and as a human being outside of bookish stuff. Although people seemed really pleased to hear I was dabbling in writing again, and offered to help if I ever needed it. Not like I’ll take up most of them on it, because 1) I hate asking for help and 2) I’m terrible at believing that people genuinely do want to help and don’t only offer it to be nice, so I err on the side of not mentioning it ever again. Of course, there are exceptions, and I occasionally do take offerings. But I almost never pursue anyone directly, because I don’t want to bother them… and we are back at me being my own worst enemy.

Which makes me also circle back to making an effort to keep in touch with people regularly, as not a lot of them actually know me all that well, so of course, the only reason I’m even remotely interesting to them is the fact that I happen to run a blog and write reviews. It always feels baffling to me when someone says they like me, because I’m like, why would you? Sure, I’m my own worst enemy, and no one is harder on me than myself, so my opinions might be heavily biased. But like…we met a handful of times, we barely spoke about anything, so what makes you feel that way? Apart from niceties, of course. It’s not like I’m an interesting person or anything. Mind you, I totally do like people after 5 seconds just because they are nice to me, so…hypocrite much?

But I need to give credit where it’s due; one person actually did ask me about how my case was going regarding my accident two years ago, and that wasn’t something I expected, and I was more grateful for than I can express. I also received lovely compliments about my reviews and newsletter (THANK YOU, I really did need to hear those things!!!), and a few people I didn’t know came up to me, seeming to know me mostly from online, which was also nice. One of them was Hungarian! It was so weird when someone suddenly started speaking to me in Hungarian out of nowhere 😆

I realise I talked about myself enough and should talk about the con itself, even though I have no comparison to previous Fantasycons or World Fantasycons. I did go to some panels, but not to a lot of them – panels make me want to fall asleep, which is no one’s fault, I just never liked these things. I’m more likely to zone out than actually pay attention, which is a shame, because the authors always seem lovely, and I usually try to make an effort to go to those that has a topic that interests me, or to support friends. But never ask me what they were about, because I can’t remember a single detail about most of them…

The venue, I wasn’t a big fan of, personally. Like, the hotel itself was nice, but holy shit, it was more of a labyrinth than anything else. I’m not sure it was well planned out, because the different places sometimes were too far away from each other, and with people being spread out, it was hard to find anyone. Also, this past weekend only strengthened my enmity with ACs, because fucking hell, I was freezing most of the time. Which is nothing new, but still. I have to say, though, I have a hell of a lot of respect for everyone taking part in the organisation of such an event. You did great; the problem is mostly me, not you.

To close this article on a positive note, let me share with you my World Fantasycon loot. I also had some opportunities to do a bit of sightseeing, and although I didn’t take nearly as many pictures as I should have, here are a few to prove good times were had, despite my chaotic self trying to do its best to ruin it!