Some Distant Sunrise by Elliott Downing

“We didn’t feel anything together. We just felt it next to each other. Being fucked up in the same place doesn’t mean you’re sharing something”

Blurb

“What have you ever done that felt better than this?”

A former DJ who lost everything to heroin addiction is slowly rebuilding his life when his ex-girlfriend seeks him out to offer him a second chance at their relationship. But the fresh start she hopes to make with him has one catch: She died of an overdose four months earlier, and she’s come to talk him into joining her…

Some Distant Sunrise is a powerful, gritty dark-fantasy novella about junkies and ghosts, music and suicide, obsession and regret, and living through what remains after everything you’ve loved is gone. 

Personal notes

Since I’ve read the blurb I’ve been waiting for an excuse to read it. I was supposed to start a buddy read, but it was postponed, so decided this was my chance. Man, I was stupid for waiting this long.

Review

You know the saying about not to judge a book by its cover? Now, this is one of those books. While the cover is not exactly appealing (I like the photo used for it though) the story within is a really powerful one. It is centered around the relationship of our protagonist whose name we never learn and his ex-girlfriend, Lynn. After being put in jail and spending some time in rehab, the former DJ is clean for 4 months and tries to get his life back together. A life which sucks and doesn’t makes him happy exactly – working in a kitchen, losing every contact with his friends after conning them out of their money and leaving them to pursue the next dose of heroine. And even if he gets in contact with them they can’t help but wonder what does he wants this time.

“I didn’t miss the troughs of despair, that ache that bit deeper than any merely physical hunger, the daily scramble of panicked desperation, but I did miss the way the world used to look sometimes, so bright and so magnified. The way a discarded candy wrapper or a crack in a ceiling could seem filled with significance and wonder.”

Then Lynn shows up in that club where they first met, miserable, unhappy, unable to move on to the afterlife after committing suicide. Our MC is forced to remember everything that had happened between them, the life their shared along with the unending need for drugs, and the money to buy them. We follow his downfall through his eyes, the struggle to live from one day to the next, the depths a man goes to stay high. And you can’t help but wonder what kept them together in the first place: the love for each other, the comfort of company, or their shared obsession? Why didn’t he do anything to stop her in the first place? He had a choice, he made his decisions may them be good or wrong.

His story shows that addiction – whatever kind – once you submit to it, will make your life an endless battle. Whether you are chasing the next dose of your choice, or try to stay clean. There always will be temptation and the fear that you might fall back. That no matter how hard you tried, you fail. Are you strong enough to put your back on it and carry on with your life? To even build it up again and find that one thing that makes it worth? What if someone offers you an easy out? Would you take it or keep fighting on gritting your teeth?

“Your illusions fall away, day by day, until finally there’s no pretense, nothing else left, only the need and the things you have to do to fill it. On the days when you fail, when you can’t find the money or you can’t find anyone to buy from, that locust buzz of pain grows and swells until it fills your head, wracks your limbs, and when it gets bad enough, you fool yourself into thinking you’d feel better if you could just close your eyes and sleep through it.”

The writing is very good, I could hardly put it down. When I rather read than talk to someone who is otherwise important to me, so I cut our conversation short, then I think it’s safe to say I enjoyed the hell out of this one. Which might sound strange given the topic, but this short book is gripping, full of emotions and beautifully crafted passages. Some Distant Sunrise is a powerfully emotional, dark tale of addiction, second chances, choices and life. One, the writing makes even more real, where you can almost feel the needle’s cool, metallic touch on your arm, the biting chill of the night and feel the pressure of the world as it closes on you, taste the desperation in the air. I can’t recommend it enough to people who are looking for a short, thoughtful, well written book giving a glimpse into the life of those who struggle daily with addiction and personal demons. You’ll walk away with your emotions in a turmoil and a heavy heart, but damn, you won’t regret it one bit.